Delusions of Grandeur

For as long as I can remember I’ve always had dreams that were bigger than me. When I went to camp in the fourth grade I told my friends that I was going to catch and ride a deer! As I got older, and more into music, I would dream of being a famous singer. Even now, I have to keep my dreams in check as they tend to run away on me.

Lately, I’ve been trying to understand the reason behind my big dreaming. I think my search for significance is a big part of it, as I’ve always been a wallflower and very invisible to the rest of the world. I want not only to matter, but to leave some kind of impact on the world or my local community. I don’t want to get to the end of life and feel as though I frittered away each day and squandered my time unwisely. I want to be worth more than dog poop — as I was told frequently, when growing up, that I was worth less than — to myself and to others. It boils down to self-esteem and self-worth.

The problem with looking to the world to find my worth is that, when I don’t measure up, I continue to feel worthless and insignificant. I’ll never be smart enough, pretty enough, or fashionable enough to matter to the world. Even trying to base my worth on family or children won’t solve that problem. Eventually, some mistake or argument can leave me feeling worthless to my family as well, since it means that I’ve disappointed them, again.

So, what can I do to improve my worth? Instead of looking to improve my self-worth, I need look to my Jesus-worth. I may not be worth much in the world’s or my own eyes, but I am worth everything to Jesus. He came to this world to die for me and set me free from myself and my sin. I am worth saving!

If I was worthless, I would not have been created in God’s image. As Genesis 26-27 says “Then God said, ‘Let us make humankind in our image, after our likeness, so they may rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move on the earth.’ God created humankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them, male and female he created them.”

If I was insignificant, then God would never think about me. But there are many places in the Bible that talk about how significant we are to Him. Psalm 139, for example, talks mostly about our significance to Him and how intimately He knows us. “How difficult it is for me to fathom your thoughts about me, O God! How vast is their sum total!” says Psalm 139:17. We are important to God. So much so, that He numbers the hairs on our heads (Matthew 10:30, Luke 12:7) and has specific plans for us (Jeremiah 29:10).

When I remember that I am worth everything to God, then there is no need for me to create my own significance in the world. I don’t need dreams of being a huge star, rich businesswoman, or other “big” things I could never be. I can stick to the plans that God has created for me and, in that, find my significance.

Dear Lord, please help me to remember the significance I have in You and Your plans for me. Help me to live out that significance each and every day. Protect my heart from the deluded dreams of this world and help me to stay focused on everlasting dreams. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

(Verse quotes from the NET Bible.)

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