I’m a “Chair 2” Christian, though I don’t say that with any pride, but rather sober admission. As a “Chair 2” Christian, my life is full of compromise, inner turmoil, and constant failings.
Like the church in Revelations 3:15-16, I am “lukewarm” in my faith and don’t have the courage or conviction to stand up when I should; I remain seated in my chair. I depend more on my job than Jesus and go with the status quo in fear of not being able to help provide for my family. I feel that the compromises I have made leave me in turmoil almost constantly, as the inner battle plays out daily in my mind.
I am too busy, distracted, or just plain tired, so my prayer life is truly non-existent. There are the quick “help!” prayers and occasionally I do pray for others, but there is no true connection to God and though I’m sure he hears me, I only get silence in return.
My Chair 2 life is reflected back to me in my kid’s faith. They have both accepted Christ, but how will they fare during the college years and into adulthood? I don’t see them read their Bibles or pray, but then they don’t see that from me, so what should I expect? As with so many other parts of their upbringing, I just continue to feel like a failure and can only hope for the best as we stumble through the teenage years.
I wear so many layers of masks daily that the weight of them leaves me exhausted, but I put them on each day to protect myself and without them I couldn’t survive. Sometimes, like in this post, I’ll lift up a corner to give others a peek, but everything goes back into place just as quickly. There are times I’m not sure who the real me might be, so I just plod along a worn out path my “wheels” to stuck in the ruts they’ve made to do anything else.
I live in Chair 2 and the fears that keep me there will always remain.