In answer to “What if you feel you don’t fit in anywhere?”

(I posted this “letter” to a private forum after a women’s event, but felt it would also be a good general post. It has been edited somewhat from the original post to better fit a blog post format.)

To the lady at the Women’s Breakfast who doesn’t fit in:

Neither do I! In all seriousness though, I haven’t “fit in” since before junior high. I have always had a quirky personality, which I have learned to keep hidden in public to keep from being judged. I’m a master at feeling alone or outside the circle in rooms full of people. I can still be easily described as a “wallflower” or “misfit”.

I have always been a socially-awkward “misfit” and, honestly, when I got to the breakfast today, I dreaded finding a seat, as my mind flashed-back to the cafeterias of my youth. I’m very introverted and shy and probably would have stood at the back of the room with my plate the whole time, but I was lucky enough to find an open seat at a table with a couple of other ladies I knew. I wouldn’t have known either lady, except for the fact that I had met them in past Bible study groups. It’s nice to see familiar faces in a crowd of “strangers”.

The thing about finding a place to “fit in” is that you have to LOOK for it, if you want to FIND it. “So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. [Luk 11:9-10 NIV, emphasis added]. Just like me, you won’t find your “place” unless you go looking for it and ask the Holy Spirit to guide you.

If you think about it, as Christ followers, we’re all “misfits” and don’t “fit in” to this world. As it says in John 17:16, “They are not of the world, even as I am not of it.” Therefore, we find our place among like-minded Christians as our place of refuge, strength, and belonging, but we go out into the world as misfits who are trying to help others see the “light”. I encourage you to change your perspective from feeling as though you don’t fit in at all and look at it as though you’re a puzzle piece searching for the correct spot. As a puzzle piece, you definitely fit into the puzzle, it’s just a matter of matching up with the correct spot. A little trial and error in the process is part of the fun of putting the puzzle together and the picture is definitely incomplete when there’s a piece missing.

I obviously don’t know your specific situation, but I felt the need to reach out as that particular question during the breakfast broke my heart and I completely understand the pain behind the question.

Your sister in Christ.

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